"She'll want to thank you three times a day!"

In-Sink-Erator garbage disposer ad c. 1960s

"The whole family will thank you, too... because Mother will have more time to spend with the children."

She cooked the meals, raised the children, and pampered her man on the couch...
all while looking great in her dress and pearls without a hair out of place.

Maybe those really were the good old days? -- at least for him.

"It's nice to have a girl around the house."

Mr. Leggs trousers ad c. 1970s

...but she's always getting under foot.

"Be ready for the frightened ones before their fears begin."

Nembutal Sodium Suppositories ad c. 1955.
(no longer available in the U.S.)

When little patients balk at scary, disquieting examinations (before you've begun)...
When they're frightened and tense (and growing more fearful by the minute)...
When they need prompt sedation (and the oral route isn't feasible)... try

Hey, Doc! Have frightened child patients?
You could either turn your focus towards the doctor-patient relationship...
or just ram Nembutals up their asses -- totally your call.

"Accidental Discharge Impossible"

Iver Johnson Revolvers ad c. 1950s.
(went out of business in 1993)

Here you go, Sweetheart.
If you see that boogieman again, shoot him in the face!
Goodnight.

I bet that criminal wishes he had an Iver Johnson revolver! 

They're always ready, and only $5!

Did you know Iver Johnson revolvers were used to shoot and kill both President William McKinley in 1901 and Presidential candidate Sen. Robert F. Kennedy in 1968?

Iver Johnson revolvers... #1 with a bullet!

"Beverages and Diversions"

Pan American World Airways on-board service menu c. 1950.

You'll notice "Benzedrine Inhalers" is listed under the heading "Service Items."
(made a prescription drug by FDA in 1959)

There was a time when you didn't have to take off your shoes in the airport...
...AND you got free uppers on the plane.

"You mean a woman can open it?"

Del Monte Ketchup ad c. 1953.

"You don't need a knife, a bottle opener, or even your husband to unscrew the cap of this bottle - just a little twist of the Alcoa HyTop Closure, made of pure aluminum, and that ketchup is ready to pour."

 Then childproof caps came along, and women were back on the outside looking in again.

"...woe be unto you!"

Chase & Sanborn Coffee ad c. 1952.

"...flat, stale coffee" has never been more fun!

"Is it always illegal to KILL a woman?"

Pitney-Bowes Postage Meter ad c. 1953.

"Husband furious because you've missed the post? The Pitney-Bowes Postage Meter prints the stamp and seals the envelope all in one go. "

"Always" is a strong word.  I'm sure there are exceptions...

"...that's what wives are for!"

Kenwood Chef ad c. 1961.

"When you can't wait for your dinner, give her a Kenwood Chef food mixer and let her have some fun preparing your favorite dish."

What can I say that the ad didn't?

"no matter how strenuous the action..."

Harris Dacron Slacks ad c. 1967.

click image to enlarge

Maybe he's gay?

Man's best friend?

I don't know what company is advertising these trousers, and I don't care.

Sit!  Stay!  Good girl.

"Go ahead. Give it to her."

Tipalet cigarette ads provide a how-to.

1. Stick it in her mouth...

...then 2. blow it in her face.

 

Solid advice that can be broadly applied.  Thanks, Tipalet!

"Yassuh... it's Genu-wine Hires"

Hires Root Beer ad c. 1937.

click image to enlarge

Ah, when good help was easier to find.  Now give me a little soft shoe, Sambo.

Marlboros, Winstons, and Camels... Oh My!

I'm trying to decide which brand to start smoking.

The Beatles recommend Marlboro...

...but this ad didn't even feature the most talented Beatle: Ringo!

Frank Gifford recommends Lucky Strike...

...but he married Kathy Lee, so his judgment can't be trusted.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz recommend Philip Morris...

...but I never much cared for Lucy kissing that dark-skinned fella on the TV.

Fred Flintstone and especially Barney Rubble recommend Winston...

...but I'm skeptical of how Barney oversells it.

Doctors apparently recommend Camel...

...but you just can't trust a doctor.

Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore recommend Kent...

...I can't imagine they'd steer me wrong -- so Kent it is!
But I'm gonna wait until Kent re-institutes the carcinogenic blue asbestos Micronite filters that Dick raves about!  Call me a health nut, but I'd feel much safer if I was sucking tobacco smoke through asbestos.

"Honey, your coffee's... undrinkable!"

1960s Folgers Coffee TV commercial.

I think it's adorable how he compares his wife to the "girls down at the office."
I wonder if they're "fresh perked?"

"Glape" Jell-o

c. 1957 Chinese baby Jell-o ad.

This "ancient Chinese pantomime" is pretty accurate.
Have you ever watched a Chinese baby trying to eat Jell-o with chopsticks?  They just can't do it.
"Poor Chinese baby."

Riding with Hitler

WWII propaganda poster suggesting that we carpool to conserve gasoline for the war effort.

Hitler is my co-pilot.
It makes me feel warm, knowing that I'm not alone... but not like oven warm.

"...you seem to thrive on cooking, cleaning, and dusting..."

Kellogg's PEP Cereal ad, 1930s.

"You do all the household chores - and still look fresher every day, darling. What's your secret?"
"A bowl of Kellogg's PEP vitamin cereal for breakfast, naturally."

Don't just stand there looking cute.  Shouldn't you be polishing a knob or something?

"Aids That Every Woman Appreciates"

1918 Sears, Roebuck and Co. ad for vibrators.

click image to enlarge

Hopefully she can use these fine products to get over her Female Hysteria.

"men are better than women!"

This Drummand Sweaters ad from c. 1959 is one of my favorites of all time.

"Indoors, women are useful -- even pleasant."  Let's not get carried away.